Thanksgiving - The Aftermath...This Time It's Personal

Thanksgiving is over and I feel like I ate enough food to feed a small African country. I fear Sally Struthers is going to show up in my apartment with a tiny malnourished child and start telling people I'm the reason little Shakabibu is starving.
So as of tomorrow I'm back to my normal routine: eating healthy, working all the time (at least that's how it feels), yada, yada. I really need to get serious about being healthy. I mean, I'm not getting any younger.
At least I enjoyed myself this holiday. It was wonderful seeing my sister and her family. My nephews are so wonderful. They're just so funny and personable. Since I have no children, it's comforting knowing I have them in my life. And spending time with my sister was amazing. Although we hadn't seen each other in about a year, we always have so much fun together.
The Thanksgiving holiday for the most part was a success. I was able to appreciate and enjoy my family. So often I forget how important my family is. I'm alone so frequently I've learned to embrace loneliness. Evenings for my involve my dog and my thoughts. And I've become comfortable with my solitude. It's almost blissful for me. This is obviously not a good thing if I ever want to have a serious relationship. So I need to phase out of this, and being around my family this past week helped.
And this means in addition to me getting back to my normal routine, I'll be working on my personal growth and pulling myself out of my comfort zone. We'll see how that goes. And hopefully little Shakabibu won't have to worry about me eating all of his food again.

Time for Thanks and Stuff

It's almost Thanksgiving here and almost time for the Great Pumpkin to rise from the pumpkin patch and give...oh, wrong holiday. I mean it's time to give thanks for all that we have and all that fun stuff.

So here is my list of thanks, not in any particular order. I'm thankful for:

My dog and her unconditional love;

My family and lovely friends;

My sense of humor, and the fact that I still have it;

My ability to bounce back, and that I have the opportunity to do so;

My cell phone;

My quirks and eccentricities, good and bad;

My love of red wine;

My comfortable bed;

My finally finding the city I'm meant to live and love;

And finally, my independence.

So really, my life is good. I often get down and wonder about the "what if's" in my life, but I shouldn't. I should embrace my life and treasure it. And I'm going to try to do just that.

Stronger Yet Farther From Reality

I had one of my best friends post something on here Facebook status that hit me hard. It said, "EVERY woman deserves a man who calls her baby, kisses her like he means it, holds her tight like he never wants to let go, wipes her tears when she cries, doesn’t make her jealous of other women, instead makes other women jealous of her, is not scared to let his friends know how he really feels about her, and lets her know how much he really loves her..."
When I read her status it evoked emotions in me I didn't want to express. I got weepy and wanted to hold my head in my hands. I could feel the ache crawl up my body and into my core. All I could think was, "There are no men out there like that."
Wow. How sad. How horribly sad that I don't think there is a man out there that would be and do that for me. But it's true. How did I get so incredibly cynical? How is it, that the first reaction when I see a statement about a loving man, I shut down and become the ultimate pessimist? What happened to me?
My father is the best man I know. He has loved my mother unconditionally and given everything up for her. So good men do exist out there. But for me? I just don't know. I used to think everyone had a soul mate, and now I think that's a fairy tale. My life is not reliant on a man and I treasure that. I'm proud that I'm independent and strong...stronger than some men I know. But does that make me untouchable? Maybe so. So for now statements like the one my friend posted will continue to be stuff of fairy tales. Am I farther from reality, or closer to the truth and more aware than those wearing rose-colored glasses? Only time will tell.

The Anatomy of a Kiss

There are so few things in the world as simple as a kiss. Two separate entities touching lightly, holding briefly and beautifully in an instant. Then separation. And it's over. So simple and pure. So many things can go right in that instant. In a simple second a life can change with a kiss. All things can shift and life as you know it can transform. Just with one kiss.

The past few weeks of my life have been strange to say the least. I've been putting myself out there, and while it is interesting seeing the responses of men, it is difficult. I've met one or two lovely men since the inception of my project on OK Cupid, and then I met Rob. He was snarky and condescending. And was perfect for me. He and I have hit it off, but it's quite a rocky road. He's just out of a marriage and has two small children; I'm four years sober of marriage and very comfortable with single life. Haven't had a boyfriend in years and not sure I want one. And here this geeky, awkward dad of two that's unfamiliar with how to live in a this dating realm enters my life. It spun me uncontrollably.

And there comes the kiss. Just one kiss. So what's the fascination with the kiss? Everything. So simple yet so personal. Everything you ever wanted in a touch from a man, yet more. So who wants these kisses, and who needs them?

A man that can kiss is a prize. It's amazing how many men out there think that a kiss is trying to swallow your face. You feel like you need a bath afterward. But a sweet kiss from a man that likes you should be gentle, simple and warm. Evoking all emotions that aren't shown are expressed. That's a real kiss.

So, ultimately, when will I receive that one kiss. That kiss that starts with a simple touch and moves through my soul? When will I feel that warmth and feeling? When will a man hold me and kiss me with the love that is felt through any bond?
We will see.