It's 10:30 pm on a Tuesday night and I'm drinking red wine. Lots of red wine. It's my birthday - my 36th - and I'm not taking it well. I had a wonderful reception to it; friends, Facebook friends, co-workers and family all contacted me with well wishes. I felt so special. So many people - so many friends, said "happy birthday". It was so lovely.
And as the day passed I came home and opened the door to an empty apartment. Granted, my Sophie was there to welcome me. Lovely, happy and innocent. Always treating me like it's my birthday.
So I'm tired, but grateful that I have so many friends.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
The Beginning of a Weekend and Bacon Jokes
What could be better than the start of a weekend, a payday and bacon? Each one of these things creates the perfect day, and the day has been close to perfect. My studies when it comes to my online dating experiment, has been far from perfect. Since joining OK Cupid with my more than honest profile, I've received more than 200 messages and 300 page visitors. I'm a bit overwhelmed by the entire concept. It's very sweet to have so many people show an interest in my profile, but it makes a girl wonder what exactly these guys want.
The youngest - 21 years old -simply said, "You're so pretty." The fact the I'm 15 years older than him is quite disturbing. I have several single men and even a few married men, which when I ask why they are on a site like OK Cupid they simply say, "I'm in a loveless marriage and lonely." Wow. Do their wives know that their husbands are online looking for companionship? How would I feel if I were that wife? How horribly sad. One guy said he and his wife were in a loveless marriage and were together solely for their children. This entire process is exhaustive. I can't believe this is how couples these days choose to live their lives. Sad and lonely and looking for love that can never be accepted. I'm so incredibly lucky not to have children and in a situation where I feel they will be emotionally scarred with every move I make. I am, in fact, very lucky.
So far the week-long experience with online dating has been an interesting journey. It's obviously not something I can say is for me. But who's to say it's not for someone else? People I'm sure have met their soul mates online. I just don't know if that's possible. Then again, I'm not sure finding a soul mate at all is possible.
The youngest - 21 years old -simply said, "You're so pretty." The fact the I'm 15 years older than him is quite disturbing. I have several single men and even a few married men, which when I ask why they are on a site like OK Cupid they simply say, "I'm in a loveless marriage and lonely." Wow. Do their wives know that their husbands are online looking for companionship? How would I feel if I were that wife? How horribly sad. One guy said he and his wife were in a loveless marriage and were together solely for their children. This entire process is exhaustive. I can't believe this is how couples these days choose to live their lives. Sad and lonely and looking for love that can never be accepted. I'm so incredibly lucky not to have children and in a situation where I feel they will be emotionally scarred with every move I make. I am, in fact, very lucky.
So far the week-long experience with online dating has been an interesting journey. It's obviously not something I can say is for me. But who's to say it's not for someone else? People I'm sure have met their soul mates online. I just don't know if that's possible. Then again, I'm not sure finding a soul mate at all is possible.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Project Honest Hook Up - Day 2
As my experiment in the online dating realm continues to its second day, I've become intrigued at the concept of meeting people online. After creating my profile on OKCupid last night and posting blatantly honest information in it, seeing the responses coming in are fascinating.
In the last 24 hours I've received more than 30 messages, each one very unique. Some sweet, like "I Like your smile" and "Great profile." And some well, not so sweet. Some younger men asking if I would like a boy toy. Nice. Some just sending their phone numbers. Wow.
Ironically, tonight I watched the film "Catfish". For those that don't know, it's a documentary about a man that meets a girl on Facebook, only to find out that she isn't who she said she is. Nothing is as it seems. Sadly, the context of why the woman on the other end of the story lied is heartbreaking. But the film shows how the Internet has become a facade that hides a person's past and present. You can be anyone and anything you want, or wanted to be. No strings attached.
So, out of the men that contacted me, who was truthful? Really, what person is who they say they are? Are these profiles just a character these men are playing? Someone they've always wanted to be but couldn't because of life? So how accurate is a dating site that only measures what people say they are and not what they really are?
Gone are the days of old fashioned romance, of being swept off your feet. Welcome to online characters and fun, fake stories. Time to accept that what you may see isn't what really may be. Welcome to the 21st Century.
In the last 24 hours I've received more than 30 messages, each one very unique. Some sweet, like "I Like your smile" and "Great profile." And some well, not so sweet. Some younger men asking if I would like a boy toy. Nice. Some just sending their phone numbers. Wow.
Ironically, tonight I watched the film "Catfish". For those that don't know, it's a documentary about a man that meets a girl on Facebook, only to find out that she isn't who she said she is. Nothing is as it seems. Sadly, the context of why the woman on the other end of the story lied is heartbreaking. But the film shows how the Internet has become a facade that hides a person's past and present. You can be anyone and anything you want, or wanted to be. No strings attached.
So, out of the men that contacted me, who was truthful? Really, what person is who they say they are? Are these profiles just a character these men are playing? Someone they've always wanted to be but couldn't because of life? So how accurate is a dating site that only measures what people say they are and not what they really are?
Gone are the days of old fashioned romance, of being swept off your feet. Welcome to online characters and fun, fake stories. Time to accept that what you may see isn't what really may be. Welcome to the 21st Century.
Friday, October 7, 2011
I Love Making a Fool of Myself...
I really don't, but I do love experiments, and I'm beginning one tonight. So after an odd week of posting my experiences with a particular spider, I told my Facebook friends - rather jokingly - that I was going to post a personal ad. It was blatantly honest and sarcastic...and I loved it. So my friends commented, "OMG you have to do this." "Please let me know if this gets responses" and "You have to put this on an online dating site and see what happens". So I have, and I'm going to document what happens during my online dating experience.
Let me preface this by saying I'm not a fan of online dating sites and feel like people that do it aren't necessary honest. So this is particularly interesting to me considering the personal profile (see below) is brutally honest.
So we start tonight. I went to OKCupid, since it was free, and I'm totally not paying for an online dating site; and created a profile using the information I had posted on my Facebook page. Here it is:
"Willing to kill bugs, open jars and go into the "creepy" storage room; share love of bacon, laughing at people that trip and fall, and a good bottle of scotch; will appreciate my quirkiness, eccentricities and humor; be extremely passionate, yet understand I don't want to see you 24/7; understand I make my own money, support myself and don't want to support you. Politicians, egotists and technophobes need not apply - I don't want to talk about your job, how great you are or have you ask me to fix your pc. It's preferable if you live far enough away so I don't have to see you often, but close enough if I can't open my pickles; Must have impeccable grammar and be familiar with Firefly, Felicia Day and Albi the Racist Dragon. No smokers or men in jean shorts."
So, I posted this information, and answered almost 100 questions honestly - I mean really honestly. That was roughly 2 hours ago.
So since I've uploaded my information, I've received in less than two hours:
8 emails and 6 quivers (not too sure what those are)...See what I get tomorrow.
So, this experiment will prove what's important when posting an online profile, brutal honesty or white lies. I'm intrigued. Are you?
Let me preface this by saying I'm not a fan of online dating sites and feel like people that do it aren't necessary honest. So this is particularly interesting to me considering the personal profile (see below) is brutally honest.
So we start tonight. I went to OKCupid, since it was free, and I'm totally not paying for an online dating site; and created a profile using the information I had posted on my Facebook page. Here it is:
"Willing to kill bugs, open jars and go into the "creepy" storage room; share love of bacon, laughing at people that trip and fall, and a good bottle of scotch; will appreciate my quirkiness, eccentricities and humor; be extremely passionate, yet understand I don't want to see you 24/7; understand I make my own money, support myself and don't want to support you. Politicians, egotists and technophobes need not apply - I don't want to talk about your job, how great you are or have you ask me to fix your pc. It's preferable if you live far enough away so I don't have to see you often, but close enough if I can't open my pickles; Must have impeccable grammar and be familiar with Firefly, Felicia Day and Albi the Racist Dragon. No smokers or men in jean shorts."
So, I posted this information, and answered almost 100 questions honestly - I mean really honestly. That was roughly 2 hours ago.
So since I've uploaded my information, I've received in less than two hours:
8 emails and 6 quivers (not too sure what those are)...See what I get tomorrow.
So, this experiment will prove what's important when posting an online profile, brutal honesty or white lies. I'm intrigued. Are you?
Monday, October 3, 2011
Who is this Blog for Anyway?
It didn't take me long to decide on a title for this blog when I created it. I knew I needed an outlet for my thoughts and for me writing was cathartic. I knew I shared similar emotions as many people out there - the older we get the more lonely we feel. Life passes quickly, and people travel down separate roads. Marriages, children, jobs and faith transform friends into acquaintances. Time becomes more of a commodity. The luxury of sitting back, collecting your thoughts and taking a breath is rare. There's little time to ever enjoy the tiniest bit of solitude in your life.
That said, the title of this blog is not just obviously stating I feel like the only single girl in America. It's a declaration of my life; proof that I'm so much more than just a girl, existing on her own.
Who is to say someone may read this blog and feel an inkling of comfort that I'm here experiencing the same feelings, alone, unsure, and yes, a little bit scared. See, this blog helps me explore my sadness and light, but it also allows me a chance to feel I may have touched someone or made them think.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not on an intellectual plight to prove a point or substantiate my self worth. This blog isn't going to facilitate the cure for cancer or ever be nominated for a scholarly award. I'm not here for that. I don't think like that. I picked up a pencil when I was five and wrote my first short story. I filled my first three notebooks of poetry by age 10. Still hidden in my apartment is an old spiral notebook filled with stories, pages stained by age and tears, only shown to a select few people. My life is words, scattered and nonsensical.
I'm often misunderstood and laughed at. I'm clumsy and awkward. I say some pretty stupid things. But I'm not dumb. I see everything. I hear everything - every comment about my lack of children, my age, my being alone. I hear it all. And I keep those words with me, hidden in my chest like tiny daggers.
I know there are people out there like me. People looking for relief from the pain. Awkward women that are too smart to be arm candy; lonely men that think women are looking for a superhero. I know you're out there and this blog is for you. All of you.
That said, the title of this blog is not just obviously stating I feel like the only single girl in America. It's a declaration of my life; proof that I'm so much more than just a girl, existing on her own.
Who is to say someone may read this blog and feel an inkling of comfort that I'm here experiencing the same feelings, alone, unsure, and yes, a little bit scared. See, this blog helps me explore my sadness and light, but it also allows me a chance to feel I may have touched someone or made them think.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not on an intellectual plight to prove a point or substantiate my self worth. This blog isn't going to facilitate the cure for cancer or ever be nominated for a scholarly award. I'm not here for that. I don't think like that. I picked up a pencil when I was five and wrote my first short story. I filled my first three notebooks of poetry by age 10. Still hidden in my apartment is an old spiral notebook filled with stories, pages stained by age and tears, only shown to a select few people. My life is words, scattered and nonsensical.
I'm often misunderstood and laughed at. I'm clumsy and awkward. I say some pretty stupid things. But I'm not dumb. I see everything. I hear everything - every comment about my lack of children, my age, my being alone. I hear it all. And I keep those words with me, hidden in my chest like tiny daggers.
I know there are people out there like me. People looking for relief from the pain. Awkward women that are too smart to be arm candy; lonely men that think women are looking for a superhero. I know you're out there and this blog is for you. All of you.
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