Don't hate me because I'm beautiful?

Really?

I was looking through some old photos of myself the other day and started thinking. I was a pretty girl - fairly thin, blond and always smiling. Then something occurred to me. I never thought I was pretty. I never thought I was thin. I always had some sort of issue with the way I looked. And almost nine years later I can barely look in the mirror. As a matter of fact I don't have a full-length mirror in my house. I have a hard time accepting the way that I look now. And this is horribly sad to realize that I've had this poor self image for as long as I can remember. Possibly as early as middle school. Maybe even earlier.

Thinking about this also made me wonder, since my perception of "beautiful" is distorted, what does everyone think? Yeah, I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but society has created a definition of beauty. Media has perpetuated it. Women on television are waif-like and air-brushed with make-up, spray tan and hair extensions. Advertisements are Photoshopped so women are even thinner than their natural tiny frames. Blemishes are buffed out. Wrinkles are smoothed. And this is beauty?

I always associated thin, tall and leggy as "beautiful". I'm 5'3" and not the thinnest person; therefore, I never thought I was beautiful. But how did I get that way? How did I come to decide what was beautiful? Was it the media's subliminal programming? Was it my deep yearning to look like my Barbie when I was a child? In all honesty I have no clue. It didn't even occur to me that my perception was so off-kilter until I was at my therapist. She thought it was peculiar that I could say other women that were not tall, thin and leggy were pretty, but I couldn't say it about myself. Why do I see beauty in others but not myself? I am very self-confident in other aspects of my life - my personality, sense of humor and intelligence - but my appearance has always been a weak spot.

So I guess I'm questioning if other people feel this way? If so, why? And what do other people consider "beautiful"? Do you think beautiful people get farther in life? Are they ultimately happier?  

Yes, I'm Weird...You Wanna Fight About it?

So one of my childhood, hometown friends that writes a blog began an interesting task today - to write a new entry a day. Her first entry was to post a recent picture and 15 facts about herself. Okay, I'm not going to agree to a new entry every day, let alone a new picture of myself (I'm allergic to cameras). So, I'll divulge 15 little known, or well-known facts about me. Here they are, not in any particular order:

15. I have never been to Europe, although I often feel European and break out into drunken British gibberish.

14. One of my favorite channels is the BBC (see above).

13. I love red wine, and drink it often - like right now.

12. I love scotch - and once had a glass of Johnny Walker Blue label - and thought I had died and gone to heaven.

11. My dog, and all dogs in general, are my best friends. They are kindred spirits.

10. I have a shoe fetish and love heels - the higher the better.

9. I am the clumsiest person ever...see above.

8. I love indie music - the stranger the better!!

7. I have lived in South Carolina, Georgia, Florida and Pennsylvania, and soon to be North Carolina - I'm a bit of a gypsy.

6. One of my favorite movies is "Anchorman" and I often quote from it - and people look at me like I'm a freak.

5. I have flown in the Budweiser Blimp, and it was glorious.

4. I'm am horribly afraid of clowns and carnival workers; therefore, you will never see me at a circus or carnival.

3. I love the smell of Vick's, nail polish remover and gasoline - yes, I'm one step away from huffing the can of air I use to clean my computer.

2. My minor in college was film history and criticism, which gives me no experience for my future endeavors and is a completely pointless minor. But it allows me to be the one person that knows absolutely everything about obscure, weird films - and all films in general.

1. Poor clothing choices drive me insane. If the world ends and Jesus comes down here and finds you in a pair of Mom jeans and cotton candy pink Crocs, I think he's going to let you descend down below, solely on your clothing choice. Because Jesus is classy...yo.