Don't hate me because I'm beautiful?

Really?

I was looking through some old photos of myself the other day and started thinking. I was a pretty girl - fairly thin, blond and always smiling. Then something occurred to me. I never thought I was pretty. I never thought I was thin. I always had some sort of issue with the way I looked. And almost nine years later I can barely look in the mirror. As a matter of fact I don't have a full-length mirror in my house. I have a hard time accepting the way that I look now. And this is horribly sad to realize that I've had this poor self image for as long as I can remember. Possibly as early as middle school. Maybe even earlier.

Thinking about this also made me wonder, since my perception of "beautiful" is distorted, what does everyone think? Yeah, I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but society has created a definition of beauty. Media has perpetuated it. Women on television are waif-like and air-brushed with make-up, spray tan and hair extensions. Advertisements are Photoshopped so women are even thinner than their natural tiny frames. Blemishes are buffed out. Wrinkles are smoothed. And this is beauty?

I always associated thin, tall and leggy as "beautiful". I'm 5'3" and not the thinnest person; therefore, I never thought I was beautiful. But how did I get that way? How did I come to decide what was beautiful? Was it the media's subliminal programming? Was it my deep yearning to look like my Barbie when I was a child? In all honesty I have no clue. It didn't even occur to me that my perception was so off-kilter until I was at my therapist. She thought it was peculiar that I could say other women that were not tall, thin and leggy were pretty, but I couldn't say it about myself. Why do I see beauty in others but not myself? I am very self-confident in other aspects of my life - my personality, sense of humor and intelligence - but my appearance has always been a weak spot.

So I guess I'm questioning if other people feel this way? If so, why? And what do other people consider "beautiful"? Do you think beautiful people get farther in life? Are they ultimately happier?